Me N' My Muses
by Orin Drake
Summary: Orin makes an attempt at gathering her various muses. Appearances from FFVII, FFVIII and The Legend of Zelda characters.


This very "interesting" fanfic/story/insane banter was inspired by Glitter Girl's Final Fantasy 8 fanfic, _Your Muse and You_ (which can be found at http://www.shiny-objects.org/glitterati/). The characters Link and Zelda are owned by Nintendo. Squall, Seifer, Sephiroth, Cloud, Rinoa and Vincent are characters owned by Squaresoft. Shadow is my own creation, and Nightshade is my Fender Sratocaster. Don't screw with my Strat, man. There's a little language here, but nothing major. I hope.   
  
  
  


Me N' My Muses   
by Orin Drake 

  


Orin: *arranges her various muses in more or less of a circle, struggling slightly to find enough chairs* *wraps Nightshade (black and white Stratocaster; a.k.a. guitar) in silk as she sets her in the chair next to her; everyone stares* Okay, people. I don't have that many primary muses. I think we're going to have to thin out the crowd.   
Everyone: *murmurs of protest*   
Orin: *glares* Look, I frankly can't handle all of you.   
Sephiroth: *chuckles*   
Orin: *ignores that, then looks over to the far side of the circle* What the fuck is Rinoa doing here?   
Rinoa: *gasps, painfully* I'm a muse, too!   
Orin: No you aren't. You just help to get the anger flowing. You, out.   
Everyone sans Rinoa: *sighs in relief as the problem disappears in a small explosion of flame*   
Seifer: Exactly _what_ are we doing here?   
Orin: Hey, you're not a muse, either.   
Seifer: But I refuse to leave. So there. I'm fun, anyway.   
Orin: And, pray tell, what makes you say that?   
Seifer: The coat.   
Orin: *blink* Moving on, then. Cloud, you're not a muse, either.   
Cloud: I've got cool hair.   
Orin: *holds in a trademark sigh* Alright... Squally-boy, you're not quite a muse...   
Sephiroth: *interrupts* But he is amusing, isn't he? *chuckles*   
Orin: *joins in the chuckling*   
Squall: *glares at them both* I didn't _want_ to be here in the first place...   
Orin: Ah, that's right. I knew I put you in shackles for a reason. Just be a good boy. Moving onto my _real_ muses... *looks to the side at the only female in the circle* Shadow, dear. Nice to see you came.   
Shadow: *falsified smile* Nice to see you're finally using my name.   
Seifer: *under his breath* Bitch fight, bitch fight...   
Sephiroth: Talking about Squall again, are we?   
Seifer and Sephiroth: *giggle like school children*   
Squall: *glares again* Whatever.   
Orin: *the word seems to act like fingernails on a chalkboard* Be a dear and stop saying that, alright?   
Squall: *continues his death glare* ...Whatever.   
Orin: You go far and above being a masochist.   
Seifer: *irritated* And _what_ are we doing here, again?   
Orin: I thought it was about time we all got together for a little chat. It's better than all of you running around behind me while I'm writing. Cloud's asking if I wrote about him yet, Shadow insulting my nonexistent ability to concentrate on one story for an extended length of time, Squall sitting next to me and staring at me until he gets my attention then he won't even talk to me, Seifer poking me in the back over and over until I am forced to turn around and watch him giggle and run away, and Sephiroth... well, I don't have any problems with you, yet. My in-laws are starting to suspect something. So can't we all just get along and leave me the hell alone sometimes!?   
Everyone: *silence*   
Sephiroth: *after a long pause* I don't bother you?   
Orin: *softly rubs her temples* No, no you don't. Yet. Yet, I said. Your general evil self and your god complex mixed with black leather and long silver hair makes you quite... interesting.   
Everyone: *another long silence*   
Orin: And where the hell is Link?   
Sephiroth: You mean skirt boy?   
Orin: Look who's talking.   
Sephiroth: *casually tosses his hair over his shoulder, capturing a small amount to play with between his gloved fingers* I'm perfectly comfortable with my masculine femininity.   
Shadow: *points to Orin* So's she.   
Shadow and Sephiroth: *have a good laugh together*   
Orin: *momentary silence* I understand why I haven't done this before. Now seriously, where is Link? Anyone see him lately? And Vincent, for that matter?   
Sephiroth: He's sleeping.   
Seifer: *interrupts before Orin can say something vicious to Sephiroth* You mean that short blonde freak with the pointy ears? *makes "pointy ears" with his fingers*   
Orin: Yeah, that's him. And a green dress. Anyone?   
Cloud: I think his new game embarrassed him so much that he just left to commit suicide. *everyone stares blankly at him* What? It's what I would do.   
Orin: Yeah, I know. But Link's a _real_ hero.   
Cloud: Hey! What's that supposed to mean?   
Orin: *silently indicates Sephiroth's presence*   
Sephiroth: *smiles and waves at Cloud, mouthing "I'll get you later."*   
Cloud: *swallows and sits back, crossing his arms*   
Squall: It's not like Link talks much anyway.   
Everyone: *directs their stares to Squall*   
Squall: *realizes he's being stared at even though his head is down* Well, it's true.   
Orin: Then why don't you find us a topic of conversation, Mr. Family Values?   
Squall *sighs* Okay... uh... Seifer poisoned your plants.   
Seifer: *suddenly becomes aware of the conversation again* I did _not_! Cloud did it!   
Cloud: Wait a second, here! I didn't even know she had plants!   
Sephiroth: That's because you spend far too much time stuffing you scrawny frame full of cookies!   
Orin: So he _has_ been stealing my cookies?   
Shadow: *glad someone else is being blamed, she leans back and crosses her arms comfortably*   
Cloud: Can't we all just be friends?   
Everyone: *breaks into a yelling squabble of kicking, name calling, and even a little hair pulling... with Orin doing the kicking* *out of nowhere is flung a boot, hitting Seifer between the eyes and knocking him down*   
Link: *unshaven and clearly bloodshot, he stumbles into the circle quietly, righting a chair that had just recently been used as a four-pronged baseball bat, sitting down*   
Everyone: *slowly dust themselves off and return to their seats; except Seifer, who is still out cold*   
Orin: *to Link* Long night again?   
Link: *nods*   
Orin: Zelda been trying to "set you straight" again?   
Everyone: *giggles*   
Link: *extends his hand and presents his middle finger*   
Everyone: Oooooohhh!   
Cloud: *at the same time* Them's fightin' words!   
Orin: *conducts silence with a glare*   
Seifer: *moans, finally coming to* *sits up and attempts to focus on the chair that used to be his, now occupied by a very pissed off looking freak with long ears* Hey... where am I supposed to sit?   
Orin: *casually* On someone's lap, maybe...   
Seifer: *eyes widen at the suggestion* But I'm not... I mean... that's what I... I mean... I... *points at Squall*   
Orin: *slightly disappointed* Fine, then just stay on the floor.   
Seifer: Humph. *stands up, looking around for another chair* Your guitar doesn't need a cha-   
Orin: *smacks his hand away* *voice becomes very quiet, yet very possessed by evil* Don't you ever touch my guitar.   
Nightshade: *somehow hisses at Seifer*   
Seifer: *backs away* Oh... kay...   
Orin: *normal again* Now, are we all here, more or less? Except for the rock stars, of course. I keep inviting them, but I never do get responses... well, more than the normal court orders and such.   
Sephiroth: *still combing the tangles from his hair* I told you, I'll abduct anyone you want...   
Orin: And that's sweet. But I'm afraid there are laws against that.   
Sephiroth: *sighs overdramatically* Never stopped me before.   
Orin: True. But if you go to jail, I want to be there. Or at least have a live video feed.   
Seifer: *finally yanks the back of Squall's chair upward so that he tumbles out of it, but is still secured to one leg of it by his ankle shackles* *sits down, quite proud of himself*   
Squall: *doesn't look too happy, face flat on the floor*   
Shadow: *highly amused look* *uncrosses her arms and gets up* Well, this has been fun. Really.   
Orin: Where are you going?   
Shadow: You have your world, and I have mine. But I need to _protect_ mine.   
Orin: I'm protecting mine... sort of.   
Shadow: Mmm hmm. I have to get home, anyway. I've got a world to save and... stuff.   
Orin: Tell your hubby hi for me.   
Shadow: He's kind of scared of you since... well, what you did to him in the last chapter...   
Orin: He'll get over it. They always do. *raises voice* Right, guys?   
Everyone: *murmers*   
Squall: *along with the murmers* No.   
Orin: See?   
Shadow: *disappears as fast as Orin's mind will allow*   
Cloud: I've got things to do, too.   
Orin: Oh yeah? Like what?   
Cloud: *convincingly* Things.   
Seifer: Like get more hair spray?   
Cloud: *points at Seifer* At least I have hair!   
Seifer: *feigns hurt* I have hair...   
Sephiroth: But none of you have hair as long, soft and luxurious as I have.   
Seifer: *pulls the glove from his right hand and thrusts it into Squall's hair, pulling his head up so everyone can see his face* I don't know. Squall's got pretty soft hair. *proptly drops Squall's head*   
Squall: Ow!   
Sephiroth: It can't compare. *gets up and walks over to Seifer* Here, feel. But be gentle.   
Seifer: *daintily touches some of the silver strands* Wow, that is soft.   
Sephiroth: *smacks his hand away and sits down* Yes. It is. *continues to play with his own hair*   
Link: *waves wildly to get Orin's attention, then points to his wrist to indicate he has to go*   
Orin: But you just got here!   
Link: *crosses his eyes and swirls a finger around his ear; the international "looney" symbol*   
Orin: Oh, yeah. You better get out of here before Zelda tracks you down again. This is probably the first place she'll look.   
Link: *nods, thankful, and darts off through the edge of their little circle, disappearing*   
Cloud: If he's going, I'm going.   
Sephiroth: And I need my beauty sleep... *gazes viciously at Cloud* ... for later.   
Orin: Oh, come on! We didn't even discuss anything!   
Seifer: *gets up and pats Orin on the shoulder* Yeah, but it was still fun. Don't feel bad.   
Orin: You know better than to touch me.   
Seifer: *backs away while still trying to look friendly*   
Orin: *sighs* Alright, fine. I'll see you all later. Or, sooner than I expected.   
Cloud: It's shopping night, isn't it?   
Orin: *hesitant* Yeah...   
Cloud: Then we'll all come back while you're in the middle of an aisle and make you laugh like an idiot again.   
Orin: *through gritted teeth* Gee, thanks.   
Cloud and Seifer: *walk through the edge of their little circle and disappear*   
Sephiroth: I'm sure you'll page me if you need me.   
Orin: That I will. Feel free to bring your work with you.   
Sephiroth: That's what I get paid for. *waves and walks off into nothingness*   
Orin: *merely looks at Squall, having stayed more or less in place (mostly because of the shackles)* *thinks to self: _"Just you and me, pretty boy."_*   
Squall: *desperately trying to dislodge himself from the chair; already having tried and failed at gnawing through the chains he has begun the process of gnawing through his ankles, instead*   
Orin: *taps him on the head* Now, don't do that. 


End file.
